Catharsis
by PauliesmomBlack Cat
Summary: Set during and after Spirit. Chloe needs to get it out of her system.


I love the way that Chloe has matured into a woman that can deal with Clark and Lana's relationship, but I don't imagine that the road to get there was easy. This is about the night she made her decision to let him go. Set during and after Spirit. Smallville is the property of WB and the song "One Last Cry" is the property of Brian McKnight. I am using these not for profit but for fun.

Catharsis 

I stared as my reflection in the mirror. My makeup was still slightly smeared by Dawn's tears. A bruise mars my cheek. I gotta put some ice on that. The tiara Clark had handed back sparkles mockingly at me. I carefully place it on my dresser. Prom Queen. The more I think about it the more ironic and unreal this whole night seems. I never wanted this "honor". _I_ wanted to shake things up, to make my fellow classmates realize the innate wrongness of turning what could be a wonderful way to create lasting memories of high school into a popularity contest.

"I mean really, didn't anyone see this but me? Didn't anyone get what I was trying to say? I… "

I shake my head. "What am I doing? It's over."

I…won, I guess. Clark said it was the way the students showed that they agreed with me, that by making me queen they broke the stereotype. _Clark._

I sit on my bed and pull off these incredibly painful heels. "So much for breaking stereotypes huh?" My mouth turns up wryly.

My hands are shaking.

A secret small part of me wishes that I could have been myself when it happened. Every girl wants a tiara of their very own, to feel like a princess at least once. Most girls don't get their wish. I should be happy. I'm not. I want the whole package, because every princess needs a prince.

"Stop."

I have got to stop doing this, got to stop killing myself over something that **will not** change no matter how much I want it to.

I love him. I always will I think. I wanted him to take me to the prom. Is that so bad? I even asked him in my own roundabout way.

"Now, I know you're not gonna let me storm this Bastille alone. So who is Smallville's most eligible bachelor taking to Prom?"

Of course, _he_ wasn't going. He set me up and then leaves me to face it alone. Jerk! I know the real reason though. _Her. _The real princess of the ball. I shouldn't feel bitter. I should smile and nod and say, "They have loved each other for so long, it's only right." But not tonight. Not when my heart hurts so bad it feels like I'm going to die.

It's not fair! She has someone! I have… uh, Lois? Oh lord, I'm losing my mind.

Lois.

Someone has got to teach that girl some lessons in how to give comfort.

I was so happy when I saw him standing there. He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. For a minute I honestly thought he was there to make my failed spring dance dream a reality. Then she was popped up beside him and I swear I heard my dream bubble pop too.

Rationally, I know that she would have never done this to me. I know now that it was Dawn. But for a second I wanted to reach over and rip her heart out.

"Cheer me on, my a"

I tried to fight my excitement as they read the results…

…and woke up with Clark snatching the tiara off my head.

"The crown's mine, bitch."

I would have laughed if I hadn't been flying across the room. Wow, that boy hits hard.

I did get to see something interesting tonight. The meteor rock hurts Clark. How strange. Now I know why he could never get near Lana and her necklace without getting sick. And here I was hoping that it was a deep-seated knowledge that, "SHE'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU!"

Deep breath.

Well, now I know. Andknowing'shalfthebattleGIJoe. I _am_ losing my mind.

She doesn't have that necklace now though does she? My eyes are burning. I saw Clark go and ask Lois to dance. Chivalry isn't dead after all. Even after all that happened tonight I still wanted to dance with him. I remember thinking that I would ask him as soon as he got off the floor with Lois. I should be able to dance with whomever I want. I'm Prom Queen after all. He would graciously accept and I would have at least part of my dream.

Except it didn't go like that.

Remind me to KILL LOIS LANE.

I glanced away from my drink Why was I staring at that again? only to see my beloved cousin, the one who _knew_ that I was in love with him, who _knew _that _she_ had a boyfriend, all but push Clark toward Lana. I remind myself again to kill her at the earliest opportunity.

And then she _comforts_ me. I think the General has done a doozy of a job with this one.

"Hey. You know, a year from now, this is all gonna seem like a lifetime ago."

I hate platitudes.

All I could remember was the last dance I had been to, like an unwelcome specter hovering over me. Aren't I poetic tonight She mentioned my destiny. If she only knew about Clark and what I truly believe will be his destiny.

Oh god, they looked so perfect together. I think at that moment I hated her more than I ever have. I wanted to get up and shout, "CHEATER!" What about Jason, Lana? Huh? Oh, there he is. Looks angry too. Good.

My head hurts. My feet hurt. And the boy I love is dancing with someone else. Is that a country song?

I left right after that. Lois wanted to come over and c_omfort_ me some more but I had had just about enough of her.

So here I am. Alone. I wish with all my heart that I could shut off my feelings, that I could just see my friend when I look at him, that I could stop feeling so hurt over them.

Deep breath.

Ok, this has got to stop. He does not love me. Say it again.

He does not love me. He will always love her. No more lying to myself. I am not going to do this to myself again. I am going to be the best friend I know how to be. Support him in any way I can. Keep his secret. Be there for him. Wait patiently until he tells you himself. Then he will love me. I have lost my mind.

She has him, forget Jason, she has _him_. And I have a cheap tiara that the prom committee probably bought at some strip mall party store.

I feel the coolness on my cheeks before I realize I'm crying. It's been a long time since I cried over Clark.

Why aren't the tears stopping?

I'm ok. I still know his secret right? I still have that don't I? I still have his friendship right?

I'm sobbing now.

My hands are over my face. Pull it together girl.

They won't stop.

The smell of coffee wakes me. I roll over and pull at my bra where the under wire is digging into my rib. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. And I am ok. Maybe more ok than I ever have been before. I look at the sun rising through my window.

And I smile.

End.

**Catharsis** is a sudden emotional breakdown or climax that constitutes overwhelming feelings of great pity, sorrow, laughter, or any extreme change in emotion that results in the renewal, restoration and revitalization for living.

I was inspired to write this after listening to a song by Brian McKnight called "One Last Cry" I felt it fit Chloe perfectly.

My shattered dreams and broken heart  
Are mending on the shelf  
I saw you holding hands  
Standing close to someone else  
Now I sit all alone  
Wishing all my feelings was gone  
I gave my best to you  
Nothing for me to do  
But have one last cry

_Chorus:_  
One last cry  
Before I leave it all behind  
I gotta put you out of my mind this time  
Stop living a lie  
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry...

I was here  
You were there  
Guess we never could agree  
While the sun shines on you  
I need some love to rain on me  
Still I sit all alone  
Wishing all my feelings was gone  
Gotta get over you  
Nothing for me to do  
But have one last cry

_Chorus:__Bridge:_  
I know I gotta be strong  
Cause round me life goes on and on  
And on ...  
And on ...

_Chorus:_I guess I'm down,  
I guess I'm down,  
I guess I'm down...  
I guess I'm down...  
To my last cry...


End file.
